


Eyes Meet, Hearts Speak

by HummingbirdHooligan



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: F/M, Holding Hands, Pre-Slash, can also be read platonically, frumpkin is the best therapy cat, post c2e88, really just some nice handholding, same hat comic but its same trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-20
Updated: 2019-12-20
Packaged: 2021-02-26 03:07:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,416
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21866485
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HummingbirdHooligan/pseuds/HummingbirdHooligan
Summary: "That can be very confusing." Her soft voice breaks through his train of thought, and his eyes flit up to meet hers. Her multicolored eyes are stormy, too, and a painful understanding passes between them.Basically, Caleb and Yasha hold hands and talk about their trauma kind of? Real short, real sweet, Frumpkin is there.
Relationships: Caleb Widogast/Yasha
Comments: 6
Kudos: 54





	Eyes Meet, Hearts Speak

**Author's Note:**

> Long time lurker, first time poster. This was the one idea that I had to write so I could sleep lmao  
> I know Caleb/Yasha is a real rarepair and yes the ultimate campaign goal is still beau/jester/yasha (or jester has 2 hands) but i thought this was sweet. That's what fic is all about, right? The soft what-ifs and in-betweens :)

"Sometimes after being particularly harsh, he would apologize, after."  
Caleb's eyes are firmly set towards the ground, his hands white knuckled on his arms. The Nein surround him like a wall, but he can still feel the eyes, always, their eyes, looking at him. Even with his pendant, he can't help but feel watched in this city. His thoughts are a storm, but his face is kept deliberately calm.  
"That can be very confusing." Her soft voice breaks through his train of thought, and his eyes flit up to meet hers. Her multicolored eyes are stormy, too, and a painful understanding passes between them. Beau says something, and Caleb is halfway listening, but his eyes are still locked with hers. They communicate, wordlessly, and Caleb cannot will himself to break away from the soft and painful comfort of her understanding. She has just gone through this too. He hadn't drawn the parallels between them until just now. The conversation moves on, and their eye contact breaks, but as the night progresses, they all gather in one of the rooms. Crowding around each other, they begin assembling most of the pillows and bedding from their collective rooms to form a roughly dome-sized nest. Caleb sits down in the center of the pile with his spellbook and begins casting, willing his mind to remain clear for just 10 minutes, please.  
The others begin taking off gear and weaponry, making neat piles within the edge of the dome, save for the weapons they keep within reach. She cannot bring herself to be far from her sword, despite the knowledge that she is free now, she will never see him again, she needs to know that she can fight if she needs to. That she can protect herself. The dome appears in a soft shimmer, and the Nein start laying out bedrolls and making final preparations for their rest.  
"I, ah, I am not quite ready to sleep, yet. I will take first watch."  
Various protests and reassurances issued from the members of the Nein, but Caleb refused to be swayed.  
"I will also take watch." Yasha said from her corner of the dome, ignoring similar protesting. She had assembled herself against the wall, still within the dome but not piled together as some of the Nein were. Jester, Beau and Nott were all tangled together in a heap, while Caduceus' long body took up the slight curve of the other side of the dome, with Fjord slightly cuddled up to his side, despite the respectful distance he had began with.  
Caleb moved to join her against the wall, and they were both silent as the Nein all drifted off to sleep.  
Caleb finally broke the silence, his whispered Celestial sounding hoarse and subdued.  
"So you are back with us, ja?"  
Yasha nodded, eyes trained on the door of the room.  
"It is a bit… hard to believe, but yes. I am back." Her Celestial was just as quiet, but still managing to sound more musical than he was capable of. She glanced his way, noting his stiff shoulders, and the way his eyes were similarly focused on the door and the window, despite the winking silver thread that surrounded the walls. "How are you doing?"  
He gave a tired wheeze of a laugh, the smile not reaching his eyes.  
"Ah, as well as can be expected, I suppose." He scratched at his arm for a moment, then wrung his hands together, as if to keep them occupied. "I have thought about that moment a lot. The moment when I would see him again. This was… not what I imagined."  
She scooted gently closer to him.  
"If you are, okay with it, could you tell me what happened? I think I missed, ah, the story."  
He took a deep breath, and pulled his knees up to his chest.  
"I suppose that is fair. You deserve to know."  
He closed his eyes, and began to speak. He rattled off the whole tale in a quick, practiced speech, almost tonelessly. By the end of it, Yasha had tears in her eyes. She moved her hand, and he flinched, slightly. She froze, and then slowly moved her hand to rest on his. He let out the breath he had been holding.  
"I… you should not feel… guilty. It isn't your fault." She squeezed his hand gently, and he shook his head.  
"H-how is this… not my fault."  
Her eyes flashed, and he swore he heard thunder shortly after.  
"Is what I did my fault?" She asked, soft but steely.  
He shook his head mutely, and she grimaced.  
"Maybe some of it should be." She conceded, and he moved to squeeze her hand back, equally as gentle, if not more so.  
"No, it is not--you are not to blame, my friend. He was, controlling you so that you had no free will. I was… entirely in control of my actions." He admitted this last statement with a low tone, eyes on the floor. She frowned.  
"Were you? You might not have been. He manipulated your memory, who knows what else he could have, ah, messed with?" Yasha's eyes were soft and knowing. His eyes were gathering wetness as the events of the day finally managed to process. She leaned against him quietly, and he snapped with his free hand, summoning a quietly purring Frumpkin to position himself in her lap. She gently pet his back as Caleb slowly uncurled himself. Frumpkin stretched out across both of their laps, and they busied themselves with petting and scratching the happy cat for a while, his purring the dominant sound aside from Caleb's sniffling and some gentle snoring.  
"This is not an easy thing for me to accept, you understand." His whisper broke the easy silence, and she looked over to find him dry eyed but red faced, wiping his nose against his shirt sleeve. "I have spent, ah, much of the past decade blaming myself, as it happens."  
She nodded, finding his hand again.  
"It will not be easy for me either. I hurt you all. I injured many of you, I killed--" She trailed off, pressing a hand to her mouth as the tears spilled over. He held her other hand, and as they waited out the tears, he instructed Frumpkin to be very comforting and cute. He at once started cuddling up to Yasha's lap and chest, and she chuckled in a soft and watery way, moving to pet him as he purred. Caleb smiled at the sight, relishing how soft her eyes got as she looked down at his cat.  
"Maybe, we make a deal? If we see or hear each other blaming themselves for what has been done to us, then we correct each other?"  
Caleb suggests. Yasha looks up at him, eyes still soft and gentle, and they shake on it. A few more minutes in a tender silence, and then the timer he had been running in his head ticks down to nothing.  
"It is, ah, time to wake the next watch, shall we?" He asks, and Yasha nods.  
"I'll wake Jester if you wake Beau?"  
Caleb hums in response, moving to the pile of chaos crew. He began poking Beau and swiftly backing up out of her range as she threw a sleep-punch in his direction. This game of tag went on for a minute or so before she really woke up, and once awake, stumbled over to where Jester had already sleepily began paging through her sketchbook, and collapsed next to her. Their quiet voices began to chat together, as Caleb moved to his bedroll next to Nott, who once the girls had moved, had shuffled herself in her sleep towards him, and as he sat down, moved to curl up next to his leg. Yasha stood, surveying the bedroll patterns. Noting the changes from when she had last been with them, she moved hers next to where Caleb had placed his. She began preparing for bed, while he flipped through his other book, scribbling something down. He put it back in his holster just as she laid down, looking to the ceiling. He laid down as well, and Frumpkin settled between them. Their hands both moved to pet him, and collided on his back. They tangled their hands together on his fur, and drifted off to sleep, connected in their quiet heartache, but still managing a better sleep than either had experienced in a long time.

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on tumblr at hummingbird-hooligan or on twitter @cryptidbirdman :)  
> thanks for reading!


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